Liverpool FC Forum

[andy_g]

green pork?

[Woollyback]

green pork?

no, silly - kermit's middle finger

[Judge]

nowts changed then

[Starbridge42]

Ppl tell me im great at telling jokes (not bragging or nething) which is odd considering most of what i actually say isnt funny at all.  I guess i just have good comic timing.

I'll reveal to u some of my 'classics' which they find so hilarious (when i tell it but nnt when ne1 else does)
be warned some are a little sexist but ill leave out ne racist ones

Why shouldnt women drive?

Because theres no roads between the kitchen and the laundry

[Starbridge42]

What does it mean if a woman walks out of the kitchen??

The chain was too long!

[Starbridge42]

What do you do if your wife's watch breaks?

Nothing theres a clock on the oven!

[Starbridge42]

Why do blondes wear big loopy earings??

So they have somewhere to put their legs on dates!

[Starbridge42]

Why do blonde women have bruises around their belly buttons??

because blonde guys arnt that smart either!

[Starbridge42]

No for some longer ones

Five Australians are beating the ****** out of a new zealander, two other aussies stand nearby.  One says 'shouldnt we help?' and the other says 'nah five's enough!'

[Starbridge42]

How do you fit three gays on a stool??

Turn it upside down

[Starbridge42]

This one does not work at all without me doing the voices and the actions (which are a hell of a lot funnier than the joke!)

Two aboriganl fellas are walking along, lets call them Ruebe and Bayden (another thing you wouldnt get - they r two aboriginal fellas from my skool) are walking along and they see a big hole in the ground.  One says to the other 'Aw man how deep do u rekon that big fackin hole is?? lets chuck a little fackin peble down to find out how fackin deep that big fackin hole is!'
so they chuck a pebble down and listen... they dont hear nethign.  So Ruebe says 'aw man that must be 1 fackin deep hole lets chuck a fackin bigger fackin rock down the big fackin hole!'
so they find a boulder and push it down
they listen...
and listen...
and listen...

but they dont hear nething so bayden says 'aw man that hole must be so fackin deep we need sumthing even bigger and heavier than that last facker!'
so they look around and, you know how railroads are split down into pieces of track?? well they find one and they chuck it down n as it falls ruebe goes 'aw man look at that facker fly!!!!' neway they wait and listen for the sound
and listen...
and listen...
and listen.
5 minutes go by.
10 minutes go by.
nothing.
all of a sudden this goat comes charging out of the shrub and dives down the hole.

Ruebe's like 'aw man did u see that fackin crazy goat with tha big fackin eyes it was tryian to kill us!!'
neway a few minutes later this farmer comes along and says 'oi fellas u havent seen my goat have u?'
n bayden goes 'ahhhhh nah mate we havent seen no goat...'
n the farmer goes 'oh ok well if u fellas see it can u let me know cos its my prize winning goat and the big goat shows coming up and i need it to win first place.'

n they r like 'ah yeah mate we'll let u no...'

the farmer sighs and says







'















'You havent seen the railroad tracks it was tied to have you?'