Hurrah
The Real World - The Dog and Gorilla
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
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- Location: Here There and Everywhere
by woof woof ! » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:52 am
Newsflash, It's all kickin' off.
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666..
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "
, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate".
Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666..
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "
, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate".
Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 21229
- Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:22 am
- Location: Here There and Everywhere
by woof woof ! » Fri Oct 30, 2009 2:21 pm
http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w34/Woof-Woof/image001.gif?t=1256908475
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is €5.99 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is €5.99 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 21229
- Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:22 am
- Location: Here There and Everywhere
by woof woof ! » Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:51 pm
"The object of our cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!"
Holidays in the Real World
Holidays in the Real World
Last edited by woof woof ! on Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 21229
- Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:22 am
- Location: Here There and Everywhere
by account deleted by request » Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:50 pm
Judge wrote:whay has peewee's name been deleted altogether??
how do you know Judge, is there a list of members somewhere ?
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by account deleted by request » Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:55 pm
Ah I see ! I thought there might be a list of active members.
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
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