Liverpool FC Forum

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:51 am

my uncle got in trouble yesterday... turned out he was having sex with one of his patients.

one part of him kept saying how it would be ok and these kind of things happened sometimes but the other part of him would always trump up and remind him.....

... that he was a vet

by **account deleted by request** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:54 am

The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery.
You are welcome here as long as you like,
But you may not speak until directed to do so. "

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years
Before the Priest said to her,
"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said,
"Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said,
"We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine,
And the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery,
The Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.
"You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the Priest,
"You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

by **Judge** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:00 am

Ciggy wrote:Alrite scruffs how are yers

omg stranger

where you been?

by **NANNY RED** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:24 am

Im really

off at the mo there fixin the water in my rd and ive got no water till 6 tonight ive gotta go up to Guys dental thingy at 12 meet my daughter in Covent Garden and get back in time to go Crayford Dogs tonight at half six and all with no water im gonna be lookin like a meff

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:44 am

cold shower using a jug time!!!
crayford dogs as well eh? nice one
when the water went in my road i had to come into work to shower... just boil a kettle, use a bucket mix with cold water and go from there...fun fun fun

by **NANNY RED** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:51 am

dawson99 wrote:cold shower using a jug time!!!
crayford dogs as well eh? nice one
when the water went in my road i had to come into work to shower... just boil a kettle, use a bucket mix with cold water and go from there...fun fun fun

Erm Daws no water in the taps to fill the kettle

I havnt ben the dogs for ages i used to do a bet though when i went but cant remember it was something like allways trio and allways cross doubles am i right or wrong

Mind you with no water im going the right place The Dogs

by **dawson99** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:03 pm

ok, local shops, bathe in evian ya posh lass

by **Toffeehater** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:51 pm

s@int wrote:The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery.
You are welcome here as long as you like,
But you may not speak until directed to do so. "

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years
Before the Priest said to her,
"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said,
"Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said,
"We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine,
And the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery,
The Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.
"You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the Priest,
"You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

ROFL

by **Toffeehater** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 8:52 pm

Alright mates , its 4 am here i'm gonna hit the hay . Have a great day ahead

by **woof woof !** » Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:26 am

Update on Joe Arpaio

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER

HERE ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WHY

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona ) who created the 'tent city jail':

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but 'G' movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back.'

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

by **JBG** » Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:38 pm

Sounds like a klink.

by **dawson99** » Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:14 pm

15,000 posts,... and i have to dedicate it to 2 things:

a: the real world

b: my two favourite people, without whom i would not be here today:

by **shanks72** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:23 am

Ronnie came round tonight.

I met him outside.

He was really friendly and wouldn't leave me alone.

We had a nice cuddle....

Some fit lad?

No....

Just the cat from 10 doors down......they've just moved in....

Luckilly he had his name and phone number on his collar, so I rang the owner and she came and collected him.

Now I just gotta get the white cat hairs outta my black jumper!!

by **woof woof !** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:36 pm

Just found out I've won £2,028 .

And I'm really p'issed off :angry:

One more number and it would've been a £million +.

B'stard lottery !

by **Judge** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 6:26 pm

woof woof ! wrote:Just found out I've won £2,028 .

And I'm really p'issed off

One more number and it would've been a £million +.

B'stard lottery !

umbongo's on woof then

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