The Real World - The Dog and Gorilla

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Postby Cool Hand Luke » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:14 pm

thecatsmeow wrote:Just thought I would let you guys know I wont be posting on this site any more...i may carry on reading but i doubt it ... Im fed up of been slated by you halfwits for seeing things as they are instead ...of your rose tinted glasses ...god help Liverpool Fc if we have fans like you..people who are prepared to put up with medicority ..half hearted players ...half hearted fans,,,someone in another thread said im probably upset that we have not signed Zidane, Figo etc ...im not upset im furious Liverpool is the best club in the world why shouldnt we go after the best players..why dont you wake up and smell the coffee we aint gonna win the premiership with this bunch... now you can all say what u like about me ..but at the first game at anfield i will be there singing just as loud as any of you hoping and praying that im wrong......................................As for mistyred your just a pedo who has to pm me cos you have not the balls to post in main room cos everyone will see what a small minded t**t you are ...good nite gentlemen and good luck for the new season

:D
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Postby Woollyback » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:17 pm

:D ?

i think yes what about you
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Postby account deleted by request » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:51 am

For quite some time a man lives next door to a beautiful young girl.

He curses his lack of confidence as he’s never said more than hello to the fantastic creature.

Then one day, as he returns from work, the girl appears at her front door wearing a flimsy negligee and beckons him over.

As she slides her arms around his neck, it’s obvious she’s coming on to him, and the man gets increasingly hot under the collar.

All of a sudden she looks up. “Inside, quickly,” she whispers urgently, “I can hear someone coming.”

Blind with lust, he follows her indoors where she strips off and stands in front of him, stark naked.

“So, honey,” she coos. “What do you think my best attribute is?”

“Well,” the man stammers. “It’s... er... got to be your ears.”

The woman frowns at him incredulously. “My ears?” she gasps. “But why?
Have you ever seen such flawless skin? Such pert breasts? Have you ever set eyes upon such a firm backside?”

“No – I agree,” says the man.

The woman shakes her head, “And yet you say my ears...”

“Well it’s like this,” he explains, “when we were outside, you said you could hear someone coming...”

“So?” she demands.


The man gulps. “Well, that was me.”
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Postby account deleted by request » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:53 am

A couple was sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come
home from a social engagement,when the boy came into the house
with a big smile on his face.

"Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've just
had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!"

His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You
talk to him".

Then she left the room.

The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and
I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying
you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting.
I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it".

"That's OK, Dad", said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my ar$e is too sore".

Lando's first time? :D
Last edited by account deleted by request on Tue Feb 06, 2007 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby woof woof ! » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:29 pm

Tommy shows his mate Jimmy a brand new wrist watch

Jimmy "where didya get that ? "

Tommy "I game home early and caught me sister and her boyfriend shaggin' , the boyfriend bought me this to keep me from tellin' "

Jimmy realising that HIS sister and her boyfriend are currently home alone legs back to his house and sure enough as he enters he hears the bed bouncing in the room upstairs . He sneaks up and opens the door . There's his sister and her boyfriend hard at it . The boyfriend spots him and says

"there's some money in my pocket , take a pound and go and buy yourself some sweets"

Jimmy "I dont want sweets , I wanna watch "

Boyfriend " Well come in and shut the f'uckin' door "



:D
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Postby Bad Bob » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:36 pm

s@int wrote:For quite some time a man lives next door to a beautiful young girl.

He curses his lack of confidence as he’s never said more than hello to the fantastic creature.

Then one day, as he returns from work, the girl appears at her front door wearing a flimsy negligee and beckons him over.

As she slides her arms around his neck, it’s obvious she’s coming on to him, and the man gets increasingly hot under the collar.

All of a sudden she looks up. “Inside, quickly,” she whispers urgently, “I can hear someone coming.”

Blind with lust, he follows her indoors where she strips off and stands in front of him, stark naked.

“So, honey,” she coos. “What do you think my best attribute is?”

“Well,” the man stammers. “It’s... er... got to be your ears.”

The woman frowns at him incredulously. “My ears?” she gasps. “But why?
Have you ever seen such flawless skin? Such pert breasts? Have you ever set eyes upon such a firm backside?”

“No – I agree,” says the man.

The woman shakes her head, “And yet you say my ears...”

“Well it’s like this,” he explains, “when we were outside, you said you could hear someone coming...”

“So?” she demands.


The man gulps. “Well, that was me.”

Class!  :D
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Postby account deleted by request » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:39 pm

My sons off to Barcelona tomorrow (works do) Does anyone know the duty free allowance on tobacco from Spain ?
Last edited by account deleted by request on Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby account deleted by request » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:56 pm

Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?

"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Vito.

"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f**king difference?" asks Little Vito's father.

"That's what I said!"
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Postby woof woof ! » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:57 pm

Spain's part of the EC, duty free no longer exists when travelling between member states . Theoretically he can bring in as much tobacco or booze as he likes .

:)
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Postby account deleted by request » Wed Feb 07, 2007 12:00 am

Thats what I thought, but he says he can only bring back 1600 cigs or equivalent in tobacco?
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Postby account deleted by request » Wed Feb 07, 2007 4:06 am

A Woman was in a coma for months.

One day the nurses noticed a slight response while washing her fanny.

They rushed to her husband and explained that a little oral sex might bring her round to which he agreed.

A few minutes later her monitor flat lined - no pulse or heart rate.

The nurses rushed in and said "What happened"

The husband,zipping his trousers said "Im not sure she may have choked"
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Postby 66-1112520797 » Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:30 am

s@int wrote:A Woman was in a coma for months.

One day the nurses noticed a slight response while washing her fanny.

They rushed to her husband and explained that a little oral sex might bring her round to which he agreed.

A few minutes later her monitor flat lined - no pulse or heart rate.

The nurses rushed in and said "What happened"

The husband,zipping his trousers said "Im not sure she may have choked"

Thats an oldie  :D
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Postby account deleted by request » Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:56 am

I'm scraping the barrel at the moment Bamaga, unfortunately my mind has been elsewhere this week, but rather than say nothing and have people think I'm intelligent, I prefer saying something and proving I'm not.  (I realise there wasn't that much danger of being thought intelligent!) :D
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Postby 66-1112520797 » Wed Feb 07, 2007 7:03 am

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?”
“I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.”

“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.”

:)
Last edited by 66-1112520797 on Wed Feb 07, 2007 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby account deleted by request » Wed Feb 07, 2007 7:08 am

:D  I know how he feels. My son went on a works trip about an hour ago and forgot to say goodbye as he rushed off. My wife spent 40mins lecturing me about it. I didn't fkng forget to say bye, so why do I have to get the lecture :(
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