Liverpool FC Forum

by **ckay** » Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:33 am

Subject: The Neviller Diary Returns

He's back - with a campaign to bring down Nike and a rage against the
injustice of Malcolm Glazer's ManYoo bid. Oh and the usual hint of sex
wee...

Tuesday
I'm so angry at the injustice. I haven't been this angry since Sir said Liam
Miller could put out the cones. I would put on a balaclava and protest but
it would spoil my moustache. How can the greatest club in the whole wide
world ever be worth only £800m? According to my calculations using my mum's
protractor and compass, I alone am worth at least £55m. Sir is worth £132m
while Keano is worth around £4m, Weasley Brown is worth £200 and Silly Billy
Philly would fetch around 45p.

I hope the police don't trace the threats. I put on a Darth Vader voice and
a dirty Scouse accent and dialled 141 first so I should be safe. If I am
arrested I will call Sir and he will come and rescue me like in that film
mum let me stay up and watch at Christmas as long as I had a wee before I
put on my jim-jams.

I hate international duty. I don't see Sir for three whole days. But I do
see David :-) and I like his new hair. I tried to touch it at training. He
mentioned the police. I'm scared in case he knows.

Wednesday
Everybody agrees (mum and Phil, after a Chinese burn) that I was easily the
best player against Holland, though Wayne was also brilliant, David was as
beautiful and elegant as ever and Weasley was the second-best defender for
England (though he's only the seventh-best defender at the greatest club in
the whole wide world). The most rubbish were Shaun Wright-Phillips (blue
scum), Jamie Carragher (scouse), Steven Gerrard (really scouse) and Ashley
Cole (******-nal scum).

I'm angry though as I told Sven not to pick nobody players from nothing
teams that nobody has heard of and he still played a boy called Stewart and
one called Alan or Alex or something. I have refused to speak to them all
week until they join a proper club. I still don't understand why Ryan and
Gabriel and Ruud can't play for England. It's racism and that's why we wore
the anti-racism shirts. I think.

Thursday
I am bringing down the whole Nike empire. That will teach them to turn down
the chance to sign Gary Neville as their pin-up boy. I could have been the
face of Nike. I could have made them the biggest sports company in the whole
wide world ever but by the end of the week they will be nothing. And I will
laugh. And so will Phil. And so will mum. And Diadora Kia-Ora will give me
an even bigger contract.

They didn't even reply to my letters and phone calls and e-mails and
personal visits - even though my 'Gary: The History Man' concept was
brilliant. What more could they want but football's most dynamic man/boy
dressed only in Nike shorts and posing as some of the greatest men in
history - Charlie Chaplin, Lord Kitchener, Adolf Hitler, Jesus...

I would even have lost the Nike shorts if it was artistic. Though I wouldn't
pose with girls because everyone knows girls smell.

Friday
I saw Sir today and I was so excited I almost made a sex wee. But then Rio
said he was now Sir's favourite because he didn't go and play for England
and then I felt sick. I should have listened when Sir took me, Phil, Wayne
and Rio in his office last week and asked us 12 times if we felt a little
bit poorly or sore. I thought he was just being nice, but now Rio gets to
carry his hip flask :-(

No calls from the police. Maybe I should shave off my moustache as it's a
really distinguishing feature. I live in fear of turning on the TV to hear
'Manchester Police are looking for a handsome, clever man/boy with a bushy
moustache in connection with threats against nasty Malcolm Glazier, who
doesn't understand that the greatest club in the whole wide world ever is
worth zillions and gazillions because they have players like the brilliant
Gary Neville'.

Saturday
Cried myself to sleep because everyone is still laughing that Keano says he
had to rescue me from Patricia Vieira. Rio thought it was funny to give me a
whistle so I could call Keano if I was ever picked on by girls and I even
caught Phil laughing. So I told Sir that I heard him singing an Oasis song
which means that he is definitely maybe a blue scum fan.

Walked past JJBs today and there were some Nike trainers on sale. Ha. Their
downfall has begun.

Sunday
'And the brilliant Gary Neville - hero of the United fans and the man the
City fans love to hate because they know he's the best and they're really
jealous - crossed the ball for Wayne Rooney to score as the only team in
Manchester triumphed again. Is there no end to what this man/boy can do? All
hail Neville and his fantastic, bushy moustache'.

I was brilliant. And I looked really hard on the telly because I called
Robbie Fowler names, and then didn't pick up the ball when Keggy Keegle
passed it to me. That will teach anyone who thinks that I need Keano (though
I did have that whistle in my sock in case Danny Mills was in a nasty mood)
to fight my battles. I didn't need Keano to bring down Nike, did I?

Monday
No cards for me :-( - though I know the post from Spain is very unreliable
because I've only ever had one postcard from David and someone - probably a
jealous postman - had written naughty words on it and drawn pictures of
winkies.

Hope Sir likes his card. Mum let me use cow glue.

by **Woollyback** » Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:47 am

class

Liverpool FC Forum

The neviller diary returns - Sad lad

Who is online