A man walked into his house with a duck under his arm and said
"this is the pig I've been sh@gging".
His wife said "that's not a pig it's a duck!"
Man says "I was talking to the duck!"
Joke
24 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
by Leonmc0708 » Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:18 pm
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a pussy cat.
He walks upto the bar and says to the barman " Pint for me, a pint for the bird and a whisky for the cat". The three then find a table and sit down to enjoy their drinks.
After around ten minutes, once the drinks are finished, the ostrich walks upto the bar and says to the bar man " Pint for me, pint for the gentleman and a whisky for the cat". The bird then takes the drinks over to the table and hands them out. The three then tuck into the round.
Fifteen minutes later, the bar man notices that the drinks have been finished, and the man and the bird seem to be encouraging the cat to go to the bar. The cat refuses to budge.
A few minutes of fruitless discussion, and the man reluctantly approaches the bar again. The bar man, puzzled by the occurence approaches the man. " Pint for me, pint for the bird and a whisky for the cat please bar man" the man asks the bar tender.
The bar man pours the drinks and, unable to hide his curiosity any longer questions the man. " Aye buddy" he starts "I could not help but notice the strange friends you are drinking with, and the cats reluctance to get the round up. whats the deal ?"
The man looks at him and replies " Well you would not beleive what has happened to me today". He sighs, " I was out walking down the road minding my own buiness and then I saw this old lady crossing the road. A car was speeding up the street, and was about to hit the old lady when I ran into the road and saved her. She then told me she was a witch, and as I had saved her life, she would grant me one wish, anything I wanted."
The bar man, now excited by the whole tale asked "Well, what did you wish for ?"
The man replies, looking bemused "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy"
He walks upto the bar and says to the barman " Pint for me, a pint for the bird and a whisky for the cat". The three then find a table and sit down to enjoy their drinks.
After around ten minutes, once the drinks are finished, the ostrich walks upto the bar and says to the bar man " Pint for me, pint for the gentleman and a whisky for the cat". The bird then takes the drinks over to the table and hands them out. The three then tuck into the round.
Fifteen minutes later, the bar man notices that the drinks have been finished, and the man and the bird seem to be encouraging the cat to go to the bar. The cat refuses to budge.
A few minutes of fruitless discussion, and the man reluctantly approaches the bar again. The bar man, puzzled by the occurence approaches the man. " Pint for me, pint for the bird and a whisky for the cat please bar man" the man asks the bar tender.
The bar man pours the drinks and, unable to hide his curiosity any longer questions the man. " Aye buddy" he starts "I could not help but notice the strange friends you are drinking with, and the cats reluctance to get the round up. whats the deal ?"
The man looks at him and replies " Well you would not beleive what has happened to me today". He sighs, " I was out walking down the road minding my own buiness and then I saw this old lady crossing the road. A car was speeding up the street, and was about to hit the old lady when I ran into the road and saved her. She then told me she was a witch, and as I had saved her life, she would grant me one wish, anything I wanted."
The bar man, now excited by the whole tale asked "Well, what did you wish for ?"
The man replies, looking bemused "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy"
JUSTICE FOR THE 96
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Leonmc0708 - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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chiggz_likes_owen - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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by chiggz_likes_owen » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:23 pm
Paul C wrote:A man walked into his house with a duck under his arm and said
"this is the pig I've been sh@gging".
His wife said "that's not a pig it's a duck!"
Man says "I was talking to the duck!"
Is it just that lame so i dont get it or is it just nit funny and i get it
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chiggz_likes_owen - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 1645
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:04 am
- Location: Hong Kong
by 112-1077774096 » Fri Dec 03, 2004 12:59 am
two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "can you smell carrotts"?
- 112-1077774096
by Dalglish » Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:07 am
Bloke wants to join a monastery, the Abbott explains the rules , prayer and meditation are the order of the day and your allowed to speak only 2 WORDS a year........
The man agree to join and after the first year reports to the Abbott and utters the 2 words "HARD BED" ,
The following year he returns and says "LOUSY FOOD".
After the third year he walks up to the Abbott and says "I'm LEAVING" to which the Abbott replies . "Thank God for that , you have done nothing but moan since you got here "
The man agree to join and after the first year reports to the Abbott and utters the 2 words "HARD BED" ,
The following year he returns and says "LOUSY FOOD".
After the third year he walks up to the Abbott and says "I'm LEAVING" to which the Abbott replies . "Thank God for that , you have done nothing but moan since you got here "
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Dalglish - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 4678
- Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 1:08 am
- Location: Liverpool
by Mikz » Fri Dec 03, 2004 2:01 am
A young woman goes to the vet with her alsation dog and explains what the problem is: "Every time I bend over, he jumps on my back and, well, you know, does the business. Getting something out of the fridge, putting something in the bin, making the bed: every time I bend over, he's there humping away."
"I see" says the vet "I suppose you want him put down?"
"No, just clip his nails, please"
"I see" says the vet "I suppose you want him put down?"
"No, just clip his nails, please"
'' Gary lineker may well have scored 5 goals in 5 minutes , but i think you have to say, what else did he do '' ...Jimmy Hill
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Mikz - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 3233
- Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 11:35 pm
- Location: Belfast
by Ciggy » Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:08 am
Dalglish wrote:Bloke wants to join a monastery, the Abbott explains the rules , prayer and meditation are the order of the day and your allowed to speak only 2 WORDS a year........
The man agree to join and after the first year reports to the Abbott and utters the 2 words "HARD BED" ,
The following year he returns and says "LOUSY FOOD".
After the third year he walks up to the Abbott and says "I'm LEAVING" to which the Abbott replies . "Thank God for that , you have done nothing but moan since you got here "
There is no-one anywhere in the world at any stage who is any bigger or any better than this football club.
Kenny Dalglish 1/2/2011
REST IN PEACE PHIL, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
Kenny Dalglish 1/2/2011
REST IN PEACE PHIL, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
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Ciggy - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 26826
- Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:36 pm
24 posts
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