Some true facts ... - ...and some not so true.

Please use this forum for general Non-Football related chat

Postby Roger Red Hat » Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:53 pm

If you want to know what you'd look like as Pete Townsend of The Who simply look at your reflection in the back of a spoon.

the only reason airlines insist we cover our faces with our arms during an emergency is that we protect our teeth so the forensics can identify us through dental records after being piled into the ground at 600 mph!!!

You'll never see a pregnant Goth.

Pineapple juice smells like sick.

WKD adverts - it doesnt matter how many tricks you play on your mates, at the end of the day you're a man sat in a pub drinking a girl's drink that is BRIGHT BLUE, put it down and go and get a pint

There's no point wasting valuable seconds watching airline cabin crews demonstrate how to use a lifejacket. Planes don't 'land' on water, they crash into it at about 600 miles an hour, and at that point, you won't be in any fit state to work out how to get the straps over your head, tie it in a knot and work out how to blow the tiny plastic whistle. Just tune out and continue getting p!ssed.

Drinking 12 pints of Guinness, makes you irresistible to the ladies. It also makes you a better pool player, invincible bare knuckle fighter and increases the size of your ck.

Homeless people - why sit next to cash machines, you're only winding yourselves up? You don't get blind people camping outside Specsavers or the deaf outside HMV...unless they are waiting in line for the Gareth Gates comeback album.

it is impossible to run in flip flops without looking like a spastic.

Asking a woman for guidance whilst masturbating her is well worth the initial embarrassment.

The loudest, most boisterous muscle mary in the gym will always be the man who pulls his underpants up under his towel.

way to solve two of the worlds biggest problems...feed the homeless to the hungry

People who don't vote in parliamentary elections but do vote for Big Brother evictions have absolutely no right to express their opinions about the actions of the government.

Whilst it is undoubtedly amusing to say to people in wheelchairs "You are a bit early for Guy Fawkes night aren't you" It doesn't always go down too well.

Everyone who has been in a supermarket will have said at some time "This trolley has a mind of its own" despite the fact it clearly has not, its just the wheels are fk'd

Pensioners, take note: one brand of custard cream biscuits is much like every other.
Please just pick any packet and discuss it's relative merits once you've left the supermarket as your formidable p!ss-reek radius is keeping me from approaching the Hob Nobs with any real conviction.

Ladies you WILL be able to reverse your Nissan Micra into the space just vacated by that fk off Volvo estate -AS LONG AS YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. If you are with a girlfriend, you'll fk'd it up a couple of times but you'll do it in the end. If, however you're with your boyfriend you will ALWAYS park like a drunken blind spastic in a sh!t parking competition.

If you are a necrophiliac sadomasochist who enjoys beastiality, you may as well give it up. You're flogging a dead horse....

If it's got Wheels or Tits its going to cost a fortune

Never trust a woman with 2 eyes, 2 ears, a nose and a mouth.

never rip the pish out of a dumb dwarf.....its not big and its not clever

When your wife/girlfriend announces that she is pregnant,and she then says she is worried that you won't fancy her when she get bigger and fatter....DON'T under any circumstances say "Of course i will,hey it's not as if i've never shagged a fat bird before,i'm a heavy drinker".

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Last edited by Roger Red Hat on Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sex, drugs and sausage rolls!
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Postby Afroman » Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:14 pm

Not really a fact but
Superman bounches bullets off his chest but ducks if you throw a gun at him ??? :D
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Postby 66-1120597113 » Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:48 pm

In a part of Scotland(i dont remember where) and old law from centuries ago has not been abolished and therefore is still legal!
It basically states if someone knocks your door at any time night or day and asks to use ur loo it is illegal to say no! :nod

Postby Afroman » Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:00 pm

Speaking of Scotland
The first McDonald's restaurant opened for business in 1952 in Edinburgh, Scotland, and featured the McHaggis sandwich.
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Postby 112-1077774096 » Sat Sep 03, 2005 3:45 am

Afroman wrote:Not really a fact but
Superman bounches bullets off his chest but ducks if you throw a gun at him ??? :D

also if superman is faster than a bullet why does he also need to be bullet proof

Postby 66-1120597113 » Sat Sep 03, 2005 4:28 am

If u eat a big mac there more harmful germs in the Mac than the actual cr-p u put don the loo after!!
yes people id rather eat :censored:!!!! :nod
especially if Miss Jolie had the Mac :bowdown

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