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Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:22 pmby cheesecakery
This bloke walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange.
'I'll have a pint of lager, please.'
'No problem, coming right up... ... I can't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.'
'Yeah, had that for a while now.'
'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?'
'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with £1million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted and my wallet is immediately chocked full of money! Now, what will your third and final wish be?' So I said: 'I'd like half my head to be a big orange'.
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:26 pmby cheesecakery
Sven comes in from a training session and goes in to the showers where he sees a steaming turd.
goes back to the changing room and demands "OK, who's s##t on the floor?"
Heskey stands up, "I am boss. But I'm good in the air".
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:27 pmby cheesecakery
Van gough goes into a bar for a beer,the bar man says"hello van,can i get you a beer?
"van says...."no thanks,ive got one ear".
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:30 pmby cheesecakery
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen!!
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:31 pmby cheesecakery
Q)Why did God invent the internet?
A)To teach men to W*nk with their left hands.
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 2:33 pmby cheesecakery
Knock Knock... (who's there)... Bigish...
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 6:17 pmby 116-1065305004
Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:To go to the Shops
Posted:
Wed Dec 31, 2003 6:18 pmby 116-1065305004
Q:What does Owzat & a Chef that keeps on dropping his pancakes both have in common?
A:They are both Useless t#s#ers
## ## ##
COME ON EVERYONE!
Posted:
Sat Jan 03, 2004 3:20 pmby wiped
Bird goes into a butchers and says ...
"Can I have 2lb of Bacon , 1lb of Suasages and a White Pudding ?"
Butcher says "Christ I betcha you're single"
Bird : "Wow , can you tell that just from my order ?"
Butcher : "Nah , you're a ugly c#nt"
Posted:
Sun Jan 04, 2004 8:43 pmby Dom1
Big Al.
..............thats the biggest,fattest and best joke of the year!! Dom1