Liverpool FC Forum

by **lakes10** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 9:59 pm

Thing are getting me down right now. my work is getting slow and due to that i have had too much time on my hands and my mind keeps turning back to the miscarriage my wife had in Nov.
the problem is that all our friends are also pregnant , my wife was the first to fall pregnant out of her friends and i am finding it hard and upsetting to look at her friends as my mind keeps saying "i wonder how big Sam (my wife)would be now"

I still have the due date in my head and wish i could forget it, also the image of the scan when we found outm, i know i should not have looked up and it still plays on my mind.

i a way i am lucky, due to my work i am surrounded by councillors, but of late i am finding hard to hold back my own anger, i bloody teach the stuff.
the funny thing is that i teach confidence aswell but right now i feel its very low in myself.

its not taking much to :censored:

me off right now, i dont mean to be short with friends and i hope they will never have to feel the pain we did but it is hard to sit there hearing abut their baby moving, i dont have a go at them for that but sometimes i will pick faults in their life........just to make myself feel better as if it "yes you might be about to have a baby but you are still not that good"

sorry for posting this but one thing i have learnt in my job is that sometimes its just better to let stuff out in a safe way.

my other male friends are :censored:

me off aswell one of them more so (the bbc one) but it might be due ti him and his wife having a baby at xmas but i fell i dont have much time for him right now (yes i hear you think good he will not be posting :censored:

from the news hubs)
the other day he called me just for a chat and i almost took his head off.

i am fed up with lack of work
i am fed up with funding cuts in my work
i am fed up with facebook
i am fed up with SKY
i am fed up with .................david cameron, i just feel like hitting the guy every time he opens his gob and i have never even met him.

I am fed up with colds
I am fed up with money being short

anyway thanks and sorry if you read it.

by **Kharhaz** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:09 pm

Sorry to hear about that mate. I can empathise with the miscarriage. A few years back when my missus miscarried we also got fed up. Shortly after that my sister in law got pregnant and seemed to go out of her way to let us know about it, which p!ssed us off no end. Although it wasnt her intention to, at that time it just seemed like she wanted to rub it in. And like you I got ratty at every little thing. One night me and my missus just cabbaged in bed with some drinks and "took a night off". That worked a treat, we then just got on with things.

It will pick up and get better. It did for us, as little Christian has proved in our case. Have a night off with your missus mate and just relax and let nothing bother you for that one night. Unplug the phone and just "mong" !

by **lakes10** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:13 pm

thanks mate, hope you are right
but yes you are right it feels they are just rubbing it in.

by **account deleted by request** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:18 pm

I have no advice mate, I have never been great at coping with problems and tragic events myself, so I just hope time and a strong family bond will pull you through as it has with me so many times. Sorry to hear of your problems mate, wish I could be of some help.

by **lakes10** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:21 pm

thats ok mate, going to take myself off for the night a beat up some pillows, got to try practice what you preach.

one good thing has come out of it, i teach better as i know know what works and what dont.

by **tubby** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:24 pm

Hi Shane,

I've not been through what you went through so won't try and assume for a minute I know how your feeling but my mums brother went through that last year and I can tell it was a really tough time. They say time is a good healer so my advice is spend some time just the 2 of you alone and take it from there.

by **andy_g** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:46 pm

thank christ the barnstorming season we're having is giving you a little joy then, eh?

its hardly surprising you're going through a few darker moments after having to deal with all that stuff, mate. keep your chin up when you can, allow yourself to feel however you want at the other times, and soon enough you'll be right again.

at least you'll always get a sympathetic ear on here... :;):

by **Sabre** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:02 pm

My sister had a tough decission, she had to decide whether to give the baby inside a 0.1% chance of surviving, and having a painful life, or abort.

At the end she didn't have to decide because the child inside died inside. It was tough for our family and for her. And only Oihana, her next marvelous daughter, has healed the fears, the thoughts, the thinking about it.

When there's storm, hold on, and wait until the wind is again behind you, at some point the fúcking wind will be behind you.

In the mean time, don't doubt to vent, if that helps you.

by **Kharhaz** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:14 pm

Sabre wrote:My sister had a tough decission, she had to decide whether to give the baby inside a 0.1% chance of surviving, and having a painful life, or abort.

At the end she didn't have to decide because the child inside died inside. It was tough for our family and for her. And only Oihana, her next marvelous daughter, has healed the fears, the thoughts, the thinking about it.

When there's storm, hold on, and wait until the wind is again behind you, at some point the fúcking wind will be behind you.

In the mean time, don't doubt to vent, if that helps you.

It is sad, heartbreaking as its a life we are talking about. And each person who suffers it cant help but feel sorry for themself and look enviously at everyone else. I know, I did, so did Rachel. The feeling of being totally helpless to do anything about it doesnt help either. But your right Sabre, as depressing as that time is, you have no choice but to move on and things really can only get better.

by **NANNY RED** » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:16 pm

Lakes i know you most prob wont wanna hear this from me , me being your sparring partner like , i am sorry for what happend to your mrs but you need to now concentrate on the little girl you have already got and your wife, Dont take you anger out on what nature cannot sometimes prevent,
Give as much time to them at the mo and yourself and all .

It will happen again ,dont worry,

by **Reg** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 1:51 am

Lakesie, life is an experience from beginning to end and we have to accept the cards we're dealt. My little lad spent the first 2 years of his life in hospital, one whole year in intensive care. Me and Mrs Reg went to the hospital twice a day, 7 days a week for 2 years - we were menatally and physically exhausted. But we came through it better people. You have to accept the cards, the love you have with your wife will ensure you come thru these challenges and one day you'll look back on it and smile and wonder where you found the energy, but get thru it you will. My boys are now 8 and a couple of little monkeys... but we remember what it was once like.

Crack a cold one and thank god for the little mercies you have received in life so far.

Cheers
Reg

by **lakes10** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:16 am

Thanks for all your words, things just gotto me last last night, its not like me to hold onto my anger.
I spoke to my wife late last night and she had been having a bad day aswell, we think its due to one of our friends having a 3d scan of their baby and posting in on facebook.

Nan i think we risk overdoing it with my daughter, she has been getting everything she has asked for and we spent £500 on a birthday party for her lol.

once again thanks for all your words and you can now carry on ripping into me on the other threads.

Shane

by **bigmick** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:45 am

We had a couple of miscarraiges mate and the second one was an ectopic (I think thats what it is) pregnancy, where the baby forms in one of the womans tubes as opposed to the womb which needs an operation. It was pretty scary stuff, and they told us we had a significantly reduced chance of having kids. We gae up on the idea to be honest, time was running on and all that. Couple of years later the Mrs fell pregnant with my little lad, then presto a little girl couple of years after that.

Miscarraiges are surprisingly common, and I fully remember how devastated we were to be the next victim. What you wish for will happen for you mate though, and when it does you'll cherish whats yours with an intensity which makes all else fade into insignificance. As for now, support your wife mate (not saying you aren't, but redouble your efforts). I reckon a woman is even more devastated than the fella, feeling the guilt that it's her fault in her darkest moments, feeling like she's let you down, that she's not complete etc etc. Love your Mrs mate and the flowers will come out again.

by **lakes10** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:11 am

Thanks mick, your are right, i did not know how common they were till we had one and it seemed almost everyone we spoke to had had one or their friend had had one..

by **ConnO'var** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:37 am

Am truly sorry to hear that Lakes......

Never been very good with stuff like this but I really hope that things will work out for you and the family.

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