Liverpool FC Forum

by **stmichael** » Tue Aug 24, 2004 1:20 pm

Norwich will be top by the end of August. A grinning
Ray Stubbs will ask the Norwich MD, "What are you
putting in the pies Delia?"

Norwich will be rooted to the bottom by October. It
turns out, Delia was putting horse tranquiliser in the
pies.

BBC producers decide to liven up Match of the Day by
bringing back ITV's Tactics Truck. Driven by WBA's Lee
Hughes.

A Premiership manager will be sacked during September.
The chairman will make it known he wants to talk to
Martin O'Neill about the vacant position. But what he
won't tell the fans is he just wants to ask O'Neill
for John Gregory or George Graham's phone number.

A Londoner names his baby son after the entire Crystal
Palace team.'Relegation Fodder Thomson' faces a life
of misery.

Garth Crooks finally finishes one of his questions
from the Euro 2004 press conference.

Mark Viduka scores on his Boro debut, kisses the badge
on his shirt and pledges that he "loves this club."

Two weeks into the season, Harry Redknapp claims,
"We're down to the bare bones."

@rsene Wenger doesn't see any of the 48 red card
incidents his players are involved in. Including
Patrick Vieira's drive-by shooting of Harry Kewell.
But he spots the 'funny look' Roy Keane gave Freddie
Ljunberg and lodges an official complaint to the FA.

Newcastle are involved in a new roasting scandal. But
Kieron Dyer claims he was nowhere near the canteen
when the potatoes weren't properly basted.

Crystal Palace win a £10 million sponsorship deal as
Iain Dowie becomes the new face of Laboratorie Garnier

After failing to notch in his next three games, Mark
Viduka claims his family are unsettled in Teeside.

Des Lynam is forced to try and look happy presenting
'You've Been Framed'.

Wayne Rooney is pictured throwing a wobbly in Dixons,
prompting the headline, 'It's Wayne Looney!'

Mark Viduka issues, not so much a 'come and get me'
plea, more a 'get me out of this sh*thole' request.

David James is spotted wearing the puzzled expression
of a dog trying to work out how to use a laptop as the
ball nestles in the net behind him.

Wayne Rooney is pictured baring his behind at
Liverpool fans, prompting the headline, "It's Wayne
Mooney!"

Steve McClaren finally finishes that book he's been
seen writing during every Middlesboro match.

Ruud van Nistlerooy suffers a foot injury and is
forced to be re-shod.

Wayne Rooney is pictured attempting to DJ in a
nightclub, prompting the headline, "It's Wayne
Spooney!"

Peter Schmeichel finally manages to finish a sentence.

On loan to Bolton, Mark Viduka scores on his debut,
kisses the badge on his shirt and pledges that he
"loves this club."

Roman Abramovich continues to bid for anything that's
Italian and pacey. Forcing Thierry Henry to accept a
£4million bid for his wife's knackered Fiat Punto.

After manager Santini is sacked, Spurs appoint yet
another experienced caretaker until the end of the
season. Hong Kong Phooey.

The incident the tabloids have waited for. A Geordie
psycho attacks Wayne Rooney with an item of cutlery,
prompting the headline, "Toon Loon in Roon Spoon
Fume!"

After failing to notch in his next three games, Mark
Viduka goes AWOL from Bolton.

Having seen neighbour's Chelsea's bank balance, Fulham
launch a new away strip - 'green with envy'.

Nicolas Anelka misses two games because of a
troublesome calf. It refuses to leave his hotel room
in the morning.

Despite a 10 match losing streak, West Brom are tipped
to stay in the Premiership for three more seasons.
Autumn, Winter and Spring.

Roman Abramovich starts to collect players like they
were Panini stickers. Offering @rsenal "two Joe Coles"
for Patrick Vieira.

Mark Viduka claims the alternator on his club BMW is a
bit dicky and he may be forced to move clubs to get it
fixed.

Southampton are the latest club to be hit by a sex
scandal. Striker Brett Omerod is accused of a one in a
bed romp.

At the Liverpool Christmas party, Phil Thompson
arrives dressed as a pumpkin. But come midnight he
still hasn't turned into a coach.

CCTV footage captures Roy Keane ringing an old lady's
doorbell then running away. An FA spokesman said,
"This is just the sort of behaviour schoolkids are
likely to copy."

Southampton are without beanpole striker Peter Crouch
for two months after the lanky streak of ****** strikes
a low bridge.

Crystal Palace copy the Greek defensive system,
appointing ex City coach Willie Donachie and Phil Babb
just so they can boast a Donachie Babb combination.

A shocking off the field incident cuts short Robbie
Savage's career in top flight football. He's
transferred to Charlton.

Before the Manchester derby, Rio Ferdinand refuses a
cortisone injection, claiming that he's had enough of
Italian motors.

Blackburn manager Graeme Souness claims he's happy
with the four draws his club got over the Xmas period.
They're from Ikea and fit snugly under his desk.

Newcastle's plan to launch a stamp with Lee Bowyer's
head on the front was axed when officials feared
people would spit on the wrong side.

Gerard Houllier admits to being involved in transfer
fraud.. "It's true," said Houllier, ""I did get
Birmingham to pay £6million for Emile Heskey."

The mystery of the huge crop circles discovered at
Fratton Park is solved when they were found to match
the exact turning circle of David Unsworth.

WBA look set to land their first big name foreign
signing. They close in on Arabian striker Prince
Faizal Mohammed bin Maktoum al Shamir bin Sayeed.

Les Ferdinand falls out with the Bolton groundsman
after his lack of pace causes him to leave a
glistening slug-like trail across the pitch.

Liverpool's new Frenchman Djibel Cisse is forced to
give up his hobby of pheasant shooting after
complaining that the game over here moves too fast
for him.

Fulham propose to change their club badge to a 3-pin
electric plug. The club said it would more accurately
represent the electric atmosphere at Craven Cottage.

Pompey keeper Shaka Hislop installs an answerphone on
his six yard line with the message, "Sorry I'm not in
but leave the ball in the back of the net and I'll get
back to you."

On Breakfast with Frost, @rsene Wenger is asked what
he thinks of De Gaulle? "It was definitely offside,"
replies Wenger.

Gay fans vote Steve Bruce as the Premiership's sexiest
manager. nobody tells Steve it's because he's got a
face like an @rse.

WBA revealed that their attendance figures have
exactly doubled. Things are expected to return to
normal as soon as Gary Megson's touchline ban is over.

Man United launch a fifth away kit made entirely of
Velcro. It's called 'the rip-off'.

Sir Bobby Robson finally turns into Ron Manager,
answering Garth Crooks, "Offside? Wasn't it? Isn't it?
Pundits for goalposts. Ooh marvellous."

More bad news for Rio Ferdinand as thieves steal his
prized collection of books. Worse, he hadn't even
finished colouring half of them.

Everton supremo and theatrical luvvie Bill Kenwright
finally manages to give an interview without looking
like he's about to burst into tears.

After Gadafi fails to buy Palace, another feared and
bearded mad dictator tries to buy @rsenal. Luckily the
Gunners turn down Ken Bates' offer.

Bin Laden attempts to get his hands on a weapon of
mass destruction. But United inform him Roy Keane is
not for sale.

Barry Davies quotes Shakespeare or Chaucer during at
least one particularly gritty encounter.

After Bolton scrape three away draws, Sam Allardyce is
touted as the next England manager.

Cash strapped Everton are forced into a player
clearout with a 'Buy one, get Duncan Ferguson free'
offer.

Man United's Alan Smith is offered a box for life at
Leeds. But turns it down because he doesn't like the
handles.

It's revealed that Graeme Souness and Mark Lawrenson's
missing moustaches have set up a love nest in
Liverpool and are trying for a beard.

After being advised to try computer dating, Rio
Ferdinand is spotted in Chinawhite with a shapely
Apple Mac.

Graham Poll is caught licking his own reflection in
his dressing room mirror.

The opposition are awarded a penalty at Old Trafford.
No, hang on. That really is a bit far fetched.

by **Ola Mr Benitez** » Tue Aug 24, 2004 1:31 pm

V good

by **Dom1** » Tue Aug 24, 2004 4:57 pm

Hilarious st michael :laugh:

but wots with the 101, it wud have looked cleaner as 100

by **Dom1** » Tue Aug 24, 2004 5:01 pm

god they are all funny but i had to pick these two out :laugh:

Roman Abramovich starts to collect players like they
were Panini stickers. Offering @rsenal "two Joe Coles"
for Patrick Vieira.

Cash strapped Everton are forced into a player
clearout with a 'Buy one, get Duncan Ferguson free'
offer.

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