Liverpool FC Forum

by **Dom1** » Fri Mar 18, 2005 5:13 pm

stmichael wrote:Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever." Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English.

he he he im so trying the not english thing

by **The Canadian Red Army** » Fri Mar 18, 2005 5:39 pm

hahah

so is that what im going to do today when i win the main pot in poker tonight, sounds good to me

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Someone will dash up to you today, say "meep meep! bthpblthpblthp!", and then dash off. At least now you'll know how to spell it.

by **stmichael** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:19 pm

afternoon all. what a great weekend it has been! :cool:

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Beware of iguanas, today.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Excellent day to pretend to have various infirmities. Pretending to have a hunchback is my personal favorite, and is often favorably combined with a drooling problem.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will discover a small flaw in your character. Meditation and Ginseng tea might clear it up. Or if not that, then a few gallons of cheap wine and an adventure involving a cart filled with garbage, some gold coins, and a goat.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Remember that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Normally that's not a big deal, but since your accounting department just changed its name to "The Mongol Horde", you might take notice.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in the back of Mad magazine.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "kidnapped and tortured" and "wins the lottery." Probably a little of both, I'd guess.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Not a good time to discuss sauerkraut. At least not if you value your friendships, and your sanity.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today is the second-to-last day, of the 19th segment of your life. Time to learn to appreciate tofu (bean curd).

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

A good time to learn to laugh at yourself. Or, develop multiple personalities! That way you won't be laughing at you, you'll be laughing with you.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Someone will drone on and on, today. Try using psychic powers to make their underwear ride up. Even if it doesn't work, your look of intense concentration may make them self-conscious.

by **woof woof !** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 3:24 pm

stmichael wrote:Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Remember that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Normally that's not a big deal, but since your accounting department just changed its name to "The Mongol Horde", you might take notice.

Great ,in my case it will be "The Mongol Horde " versus The Mongrel Horde .

by **stmichael** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 2:31 pm

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Good day to act extremely childish.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Too much "musk" in that cologne - don't try it. Or if you do, bring along a few carrots for the moose.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will have a visit from "The Scourge of Valderia." He's thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don't want to cross him.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Remember: One tiddles one's winks, not vice versa. Winking one's tiddles would be crude, and is illegal in some states.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will be followed by people who look suspiciously like shoe salesmen. Try to remain calm -- they can sense fear.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Beware of being cautious, today.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Dorothy Parker once said "if you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me." Today that will be strangely relevant to your own situation.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Time for a career change. Have you considered the exciting and lucrative career of "despot"? One of the nice perks about that is that you can wear a rediculous hat without people laughing at you.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves.

by **stmichael** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:33 pm

ola amigos!

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You need to stop accepting responsibility for your own life. Everything is actually the fault of that darned liberal media, you know. You'd be nearly perfect, or at least much thinner, if it wasn't for them.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

A very short and hairy person will bother you today. Unfortunately, you will be unable to ignore them, try though you might.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

About your new idea... Sure, I'll bet you could sell your handmade voodoo dolls by marketing them over the Internet. The competition, however, can be "fierce." You might want to stop and consider how many flights of stairs you're interested in falling down, before you commit yourself to that course of action...

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Good day to start saving up for that electron microscope you've always wanted. I hear Sears will be having a big sale on them this fall.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Remember to bring your entrenching tool with you today. You'll need it. (You know...for the marketing meeting.)

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

In one of those amusing misunderstandings that often happen due to bad phone connections, you will show up to go on a hike with something unexpected. If you stop and think about it, you'll realise that it isn't that likely someone would say "It may be cold, so be sure to bring a goat."

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Don't lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

If you're not already a vegetarian, you will be. Someone with the initial "E." will make sure of that. Ed? Ernest? Dunno. Someone like that. E. Coli, is what I see. Odd name, huh? Sounds Italian.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Your morning grumpiness and sluggishness will vanish soon, when you discover that the problem was just using the wrong type of deodorant soap. Soon you'll be stepping out of the shower, grinning like an imbecile!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Late in the day today you will notice that people seem to be staring at your nose. Don't worry. It's probably nothing.

by **Judge** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:34 pm

voodoo doll sales....mmmmmm

by **stmichael** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 1:53 pm

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You are always running out of things to say, at dinner. Try memorizing a whole lot of facts about commercial fish farming -- that's always a good topic for discussion.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an irridescent green mohawk, you know?

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Bide your time, and don't do anything rash or in anger. Remember: Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a light bearnaise sauce.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

The mountain will be happy to come to Mohammed, but Mohammed should be prepared for a brief (in geologic terms) delay.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Good day to go out and play in the mud. Or at least, find some way of making squishy sounds.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You might consider picking up some holy water and a few stout wooden stakes. They'll come in handy soon, although I'm not sure how.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying "no"? Sheesh.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Oddly, despite the impression you gained from a television commercial, your new soap will not inspire unusual levels of grinning in the shower.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance. Try to remain calm.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Your main problem? You're not eating NEARLY enough strudel.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today you will uncover a conspiracy, involving leaf-blowers and other noisy and completely pointless garden equipment.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Excellent day to make odd hand gestures at people you don't know.

by **Judge** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 1:55 pm

mountain, mohammed, but i'm not muslim

how does that work for me??

by **stmichael** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 4:52 pm

how are we today people?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Your ship will come in today! Unfortunately, you won't have anywhere to put it.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Today you will have to take someone aside and gently explain that a "briefcase" is not actually for undergarments. Remember: you probably made a few silly mistakes yourself, when you were just starting out.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Time for an excursion! Remember to pack some sandwiches, and carry a large ball of twine (it's easy to get lost in the city -- the twine should help).

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly colored paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right?

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

A huge spacecraft will hover over your dwelling structure today, and secretly analyze you down to the last parasitic microbe in your epidermal layers. They will be on the point of making contact with humans, and offering us technology to cure all illness, let us live indefinately while looking like healthy 20-year-olds, and give us the ability to travel interstellar distances in an eyeblink...when they spot you making something with SPAM. After a bit of horrified bleeping at each other, they will zoom off, never to return.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Someone will ask you for your advice. Don't give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter "Much bad juju", and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will have trouble with the telephone, in which, no matter what number you call, you reach "Mo's Leather Emporium." Don't take it lightly.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Potato awareness day, today. Potatoes have had a tremendous influence on society, since their introduction into Western culture. Just think, for instance, of their effect on Dan Quayle's career!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will become embroiled in a serious dispute about food. Feelings will be hurt. Bygones will eventually be bygones, but not until you ease off on the Tabasco.

by **stmichael** » Mon Mar 28, 2005 11:46 am

it's a new week people, and here are mystic mick's wise words to help you get your week off to the best possible start

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Ah ha! You will finally have an opportunity to use the word "plumbaginous" in casual conversation today! You will be discussing either bicycles or aircraft, at the time.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce "sir" as "sair", you can answer a lot of questions with either "yes air" or "nose hair."

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A tricky situation will arise today, but you will rise to the challenge and draw it to a satisfactory conclusion. Oddly, you will hit upon the right thing to do by suddenly recalling an old Gilligan's Island episode.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Confucious said "Choose a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." Confucious was a Harvard man, you know, with a huge trust fund. He certainly never "worked" a day, himself. I wouldn't take what he said too literally, in your case.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Not a good time to put all your eggs in one basket. In fact, what's this sudden egg thing about, anyway? Perhaps you should see someone.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Try to work the words "happenstance" and "ineffable" into your conversation today. It turns out that most people believe any sentence that has the word "ineffable" in it. Such as that one.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Your friend will betray you today, and will hide from you under office furniture. Hey, don't ask me. I just see the future, I don't explain it.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

That rash should clear up soon, Bob. Oh stop worrying. I won't tell anyone.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Remember: you can't tell your boss to get lost. You can, however, give him the wrong directions.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

It's time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like "mashee" or "niblick" in casual conversation?

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A strange package will appear on your doorstep -- a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday's Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign...

by **zarababe** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 12:16 pm

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

"It's time to seriously consider indoor golf. How else are you going to use terms like "mashee" or "niblick" in casual conversation? "

.. Where do I put all the china then Saint

by **stmichael** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 11:41 am

how we doing people? :cool:

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

It's ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will pass a sign that says "invorp" today. Fortunately, you will remember enough Dutch to know that it means "put your fingers in your ears and wiggle them." They are a silly people, the Dutch.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A package will arrive for you today, from a distant relative in Tibet. Scarlet-robed assassins will begin following you.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?" Soon, you will.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Thirteen short bearded men will invade your living quarters soon, eat all your food, and drag you off on an ill-advised adventure, much to the amusement of an elderly gentleman of your acquaintance.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue around in the wind. If you had known this was "act like a dog" day, you might have been better prepared.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Bad day to tease a yak.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Sometimes you need to take one step back to make two steps forward. In this case, you'll need to go considerably further back.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

A man with a mystical yet somehow tortured expression will stop you on the street, today, and ask you for a name brand of prepared mustard. If you carry a jar with you, and surprise him, you will make his life seem worthwhile.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be "strictly bass." One must have standards, after all.

by **The Canadian Red Army** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 1:38 pm

wtf lol

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A package will arrive for you today, from a distant relative in Tibet. Scarlet-robed assassins will begin following you.

by **stmichael** » Wed Mar 30, 2005 1:48 pm

The Canadian Red Army wrote:wtf lol
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A package will arrive for you today, from a distant relative in Tibet. Scarlet-robed assassins will begin following you.

you'll see mountie. all in good time. all in good time. :kungfu:

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