Liverpool FC Forum

Lee J wrote:By this point my 'spunk trumpet' was like a 'horses handbrake'. I could tell she was getting horny with all the dirty chat so I ripped off her blouse and sunk my mouth into her bazookas chewing on her nipples which were now like 'JCB starters buttons'. My hands wondered downstairs in search of her 'womb ferret'. When I found it was 'wetter than an otters pocket', and so I began to rub frantically. At the same time she put her hand in my pants and started to 'choke the chicken' and then 'smoked the Whitehouse cigar'.

lol!




your a sick man lee j

Lee J wrote:I was spending  the day in the house on my own and had already 'knocked a few out' including a couple of 'arm breakers' when I decided there was more to life than 'burping the worm' all the time. My 'blue veined hooligan' had been getting a bit sore lately as a result and it was therefore time for my 'womb broom' to experience a bit of action to give 'kojaks money box' a chance to 'shoot some filthy yoghurt' into the 'furry letterbox'. Feeding the pigeons is OK but not to the extent I had been doing it.

Later that evening I prepared myself for a night on the town with the boys. There's no better preparation than having 'baked one' (held a sh!te back) for hours and then feeling the ecstasy of 'releasing the chocolate hostages'. It's funny, as soon as the 'pace car' (leading turd) is away the rest comes roaring out of the pits behind it. As a rule I generally 'back one out' twice a day.

Anyway, I get to the nightclub. There are a few 'swamp donkeys' and 'salad dodgers' hanging around including a few others that looked like they have been 'ram raiding on scooters'. Then I caught the eye of this 'aeroplane blonde' (one with blonde hair but probably a black box). She was tall and slim with 'massive jugs' and 'nipples like fighter pilot thumbs' - amazing. She walked towards me and my mind started to work overtime. It looked like I would be 'feeding the horse' not the pigeon tonight if I played my cards right. I had been a 'harbour master' (one who's been with a few tugs) in my time but this one was an exception. we got talking and it didn't take long for the subject of sex to come up - she was definitely a 'hose monster' I thought to myself. We talked all night and ended up back at my place where the topic of sex continued.

By this point my 'spunk trumpet' was like a 'horses handbrake'. I could tell she was getting horny with all the dirty chat so I ripped off her blouse and sunk my mouth into her bazookas chewing on her nipples which were now like 'JCB starters buttons'. My hands wondered downstairs in search of her 'womb ferret'. When I found it was 'wetter than an otters pocket', and so I began to rub frantically. At the same time she put her hand in my pants and started to 'choke the chicken' and then 'smoked the Whitehouse cigar'.

After a short break I had her knickers off but to my horror there was a 'cotton pony' hanging out of her 'bacon rashers' - I soon got rid of that. I was then faced with a decision, should I go for the 'easy pink' or the 'tight brown'? I decided to play safe and like a 'rat up a drainpipe' I proceeded to 'bend one up' and in no time I was 'porking her' with my 'love conkers' deep inside her 'double doors'. Missionary first then onto 'playing the double bass' (doggy style, left hand on t!t, right hand on muff). I cant play the double bass too well so I just started to bang away until she was 'shaking like a sh!ting greyhound'  and my 'guy rope' (the skin connecting the flysheet to the tent pole) was almost splitting. The time had come to 'empty my concrete'. She had already told me she was on the pill but to be safe I 'shot my blunderbuss' across her bows. Instead of firing hte 'baby gravy' over her belly and t!ts I gave her a 'pearl necklace' and other matching jewelery. Because she was 'up on blocks' (a leak from under the bonnet) my 'three for a bob' looked like a 'barbers pole'. I decided to go down on her to finish the job off. It was going to get messy, but I started taking a 'sip from the hairy teacup'. It stunk like an 'anchovies gash' and I could feel 'mexican lipstick' all over my chops but I didn't give a sh!t as a hadn't been 'muff diving' for ages. She started to 'cum for England' and was all over me like a cheap suit. I must've done it good cos she walked to the bathroom like 'John Wayne'.

This was two weeks ago now and I haven't had a sniff since so I'm back to 'spanking the monkey' again. I've considered turning gay but the camp 'turd burgling, fudge packing' chutney ferrets' make me sick . the thought of a 'Crafty butcher' (one who takes his meat around the back) pushing his 'chocolate lollipop' in my 'rusty bullet hole' makes me cringe. anyway I'm off to 'drop the kids at the pool' for the last time today.

Some story that mate,