The Real World - The Dog and Gorilla
by woof woof ! » Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:36 pm
Fella has a tape worm , the doctor gives him a bag of doughnuts a bag of bannanas and a mallet with instructions to insert a doughnut and then a bannana once a day up his a*se. With some special instructions for what to do with the mallet.
After a week the fella has one doughtnut left but has run out of bannanas.
He slowly shoves the doughnut up his a*se watching very carefully in the mirror.
After a couple of minutes the tapeworm sticks his head out the fella's a*se and says "Where's my Bannana ? "
The fella smashes him with the mallet.
Who said there were problems with the NHS.
After a week the fella has one doughtnut left but has run out of bannanas.
He slowly shoves the doughnut up his a*se watching very carefully in the mirror.
After a couple of minutes the tapeworm sticks his head out the fella's a*se and says "Where's my Bannana ? "
The fella smashes him with the mallet.
Who said there were problems with the NHS.
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
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by ckay » Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:42 pm
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until,
one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10
years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He
immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in
such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever
the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on
the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe
a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet
her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just
before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in. When
we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room
is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge
stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor,
everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a
word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody
says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off,
throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad
is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So
he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has
his way with her every which way right there on the dinner
table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling,
but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts
to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from
his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All
right, enough - I'll do the f*cking dishes!"
one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10
years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He
immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in
such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever
the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on
the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe
a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet
her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just
before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in. When
we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room
is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge
stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor,
everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a
word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody
says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off,
throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad
is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So
he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has
his way with her every which way right there on the dinner
table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling,
but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts
to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from
his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All
right, enough - I'll do the f*cking dishes!"
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ckay - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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- Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 1:11 pm
- Location: Wirksworth, Nr Matlock, Derbyshire
by woof woof ! » Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:42 pm
What do you call a Manc who marries an asylum seeker ?
?
?
?
A social climber
?
?
?
A social climber
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woof woof ! - Forum Moderator
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- Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2003 9:22 am
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