Liverpool FC Forum

[scouser 'til I die]

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again"

[account deleted by request]

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French again"

[metalhead]

talking of wimbledon

 

[account deleted by request]

Lecherous young dogs 

[Woollyback]

[Scottbot]

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again"

    Quality

[babu]

BUTANO !!!   

[account deleted by request]

Watched the final episode of Life on Mars last night, really enjoyed it. Highly recommend the series. I  hope they do make another.

[account deleted by request]

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

[red37]

6 crumpets
2 cuppas
3 cigs
1 s.hit
and a good cough (with bits in)

wide awake and ready for action!



over and out.

[account deleted by request]

6 crumpets
2 cuppas
3 cigs
1 s.hit
and a good cough (with bits in)

wide awake and ready for action!



over and out.

I love crumpets    not had them for ages. Now I want some desperately 

[Woollyback]

never mind crumpets, spare a thought for sheffield wednesday on the day they took their 07/08 team photo 

[account deleted by request]

That pic reminded me of this old joke Wooly :-

After dying, a man goes to Hell and is confronted with the Devil. "Contrary to popular belief," says Satan, "I'm not such a bad guy. There are three doors here; I'm gonna let you choose which one you spend eternity behind." So the guy opens the first door to be confronted by an endless room of people standing on their heads in blood. "Urgh, I don't fancy that!" he says, and moves onto the second door. Upon opening it he's confronted by an endless room of people standing on their heads in maggots. "Bloody hell, I can't be doing with that!" he winces, and moves onto the last door. When he opens it he finds an endless room of people standing knee-deep in sh!t, drinking tea. "Well," he says "the sh!t's a bit nasty, but at least I get to drink tea and have a chat. I'll stay here." So he goes in, pours himself a cuppa and starts to introduce himself. After ten minutes the door opens, the Devil pops his head round and says "Right lads, tea breaks over; get back on your heads."

[account deleted by request]

Just to make up for that last joke

A squad of US marines catch Osama Bin Laden and take him prisoner. "Right then," says the commanding officer, "we're gonna give you a dice. If you roll a 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 we're going to kill you." "What happens if I roll a six?" asks Bin Laden. The sergeant gives him a cold stare and replies "You get to roll again."

[stmichael]

Just got back from a strawberry crushing contest.  I came second.

Some woman with no legs won it.  Jammy c#nt.