Liverpool FC Forum

[66-1112520797]

Because the missus is sat next to me

[jkop]

Why are we wasting time posting pics of ugly people when we could be posting pics like this

I would love to give her a real pearl necklace.

[Judge]

if you managed globules like that you'd be in the guiness book of records

[account deleted by request]

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance
cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again.

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,




Charles Brown
Store Manager


Theres a few there I may try next time I have to go shopping   Especially the tomato juice one (sorry ladies)

[112-1077774096]

so a guy goes to heaven and st peter says i will give you one last chance, you can go back to earth but you must live a wholesome life, this means no sex with your wife. so the guy  agrees and goes back to earth.

anyway 2 days later he is back, st peter asks him what hapened, the guy says "im sorry, i saw my wife bending over the freezer, she looked so sexy i just have to have her there and then"

st peter says "you are banned from heaven for all eternity"

the guy says



























"yeah, im banned from the asda as well now"

[ste123lfc]

[ste123lfc]

A coach crashes with a load of catholic girls on board and they are all killed. When they get upto the pearly gates St Peter says to the first girl, before you come in have you ever touched a penis with any part of your body , the first girl says, i cannot lie, i once touched one with the end of my finger. So St Peter says, dip your finger in the holy water and you can go in.
The second girl comes to St Peter and he askes the same question, the second girl replies, I once touched one with my hole hand, St Peter gets her to put her whole hand in the holy water and she is let in.
All of a sudden there is a scuffle and one of the girls comes racing to the front of the queue, St Peter says, whats the hurry my dear, well she says, if I have to gargle the holy water I thought I would get in there before my mate has to dip her ar se in it.

[jkop]

if you managed globules like that you'd be in the guiness book of records

[Igor Zidane]

Is there a pre match turn in the D&G today.

[dawson99]

ok, the real world has gone too quiet lately, people are absconding?

well i dont think its good enough. after today im gone for 2 weeks, so lets make today the real worlds bestest day...ever!!! (or this month enyhow)

[dawson99]

ok then....maybe not..stay quiet, see if i care!!!

[112-1077774096]

ok 

[dawson99]

ok 

ok?   ok?

its not ok!!! whats happened to the real world lately, i was hoping to get top 3 by the end of the day, but i cant talk to myself!!!

well i could, but i wont, and im nervous, the footballs on soon!!! argh!!!

[account deleted by request]

I was very surprised by your bullying and mean replies in the (Baros's)alice band thread, Dawson. Maybe you should be a mod afterall

[dawson99]

im more a rocker to be honest... couldnt wear those jackets.