The Real World - The Dog and Gorilla
by account deleted by request » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:01 pm
Morning jkop you having a good weekend mate (we will all hate you if you say yes)
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by dawson99 » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:10 pm
andy_g wrote:i'm about to clean out the fish tank
is that code for something that rafa does 6 times a day?
some kind of slang term eh? hehe
0118 999 881 999 119 7253
-
dawson99 - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 25377
- Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:56 pm
- Location: in the mo fo hood y'all
by andy_g » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:15 pm
dawson99 wrote:andy_g wrote:i'm about to clean out the fish tank
is that code for something that rafa does 6 times a day?
some kind of slang term eh? hehe
his fish tank must be glistening
Get up! everybody's gonna move their feet
Get Down! everybody's gonna leave their seat
-
andy_g - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 9598
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 10:39 am
by sophe_lfc_4_lyf » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:24 pm
Afternoon everyone
Just got up
haha
Just got up
haha
YNWA.. Drummerphil_[*]
-
sophe_lfc_4_lyf - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 1347
- Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:49 pm
- Location: Grimsby
by account deleted by request » Sun Jan 21, 2007 1:27 pm
sophe_lfc_4_lyf wrote:Afternoon everyone
Just got up
Morning Sophe, how can you be so cheerfull when you've just got up.
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by account deleted by request » Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:15 pm
EVER WONDER WHY?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a “Broker”?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a “Broker”?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by account deleted by request » Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:31 pm
Encouraged at getting a laugh (finally)and now for something completly different
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while gently holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growl emitted from cat. Get partner to hold cat firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into its mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shatter vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band aid to partner’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little ba***rds front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be tough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash down pill and steak.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to A and E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes remnants of pill from left eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any goldfish.
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while gently holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growl emitted from cat. Get partner to hold cat firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into its mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shatter vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band aid to partner’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little ba***rds front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be tough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash down pill and steak.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to A and E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes remnants of pill from left eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any goldfish.
- account deleted by request
- Posts: 20690
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:11 am
by Lando_Griffin » Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:39 pm
s@int wrote:EVER WONDER WHY?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a “Broker”?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
No, not really.
Rafa Benitez - An unfinished Legend.
-
Lando_Griffin - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 10633
- Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 3:19 pm
-
- Related topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- The fake world - The dog and the gorilla
by chiggz_likes_owen » Thu Mar 03, 2005 12:55 am - 6 Replies
- 1528 Views
- Last post by Judge
Thu Mar 03, 2005 2:00 pm
- The fake world - The dog and the gorilla
-
- Real world ii
by kindaconfuzed » Thu Sep 16, 2004 12:56 pm - 10 Replies
- 2184 Views
- Last post by 106-1093504160
Fri Sep 17, 2004 12:17 pm
- Real world ii
-
- What is the real world? - ....in 20 (or less) words....
1, 2by Dom1 » Fri Dec 24, 2004 11:08 pm - 28 Replies
- 3643 Views
- Last post by Dom1
Sun Dec 26, 2004 9:00 pm
- What is the real world? - ....in 20 (or less) words....
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 25 guests
-
- Advertisement