Liverpool FC Forum

[82-1074641017]

Heres the new Kirkby thread, ill start with the Carters Arms, sometimes I drink there, its okay but the only problem is it stinks of pi55 by the bar because the gents is only two footsteps away from the bar, and if you arent from Wessie(which im not)  you get daggers from the whole pub from the minute you walk in until when you leave, daggers from people young and old

[Ciggy]

A Kirkby man has paid a record breaking £234,000 for a tracksuit on popular auction website 'e-bay'. The tracksuit was one of the first La Coste tracksuits off the production line and comes with its own glass frame which holds the tracksuit for display purposes.

Billy Windsor from Southdene Kirkby bought the tracksuit after over 4500 bidders took part in the e-bay auction which was only open for 48hrs. Billy told Kirkby Times that he had stayed awake for the entire 48 hours bidding online using his home computer. "The auction was fast and furious" said Billy speaking in the Pingwood Public House, "The auction opened and I bid the first £1, but after that the auction went insane, with a virtual war between hundreds of Scouser's desperate to get the prized tracksuit". During the auction, Billy had to re mortgage his home plus cash in savings for a new car as well as selling his BMW. Billy told us that "I even sold my dog in the last hour of the auction".

After the auction Billy received an email confirming he had won the auction. "I broke down and wept" he confessed "It was a special moment, I felt like life had got some meaning back again, like I was special". Billy quickly arranged for the tracksuit to be flown from the Lacoste Museum in France and received delivery the next day. "I was cut up with emotion" he stated, "I can remember the feeling I had when my first daughter was born, but that was nothing compared to this" Billy shed tears as he opened the parcel and literally broke down when he opened up the box to reveal the Tracksuit in its glass case.

Once word got round Kirkby, thousands of people made there way to Southdene for a glimpse of the Tracksuit. It was Billy's wife who decided to set up a 'La Coste Grotto', and she cleared out the garden shed, lined it with 'posh curtains, (£40 from argos), and hung the framed Lacoste original tracksuit up, with a small uplight to tastefully highlight the Tracksuit. Billy told us that he wept again when he first saw the Lacoste Grotto. "It was fu**** beautiful" he told us. "The missus made a lovely job of it"



The people's verdict
Kirkby Times put the question to the people - and asked them what they thought of this Lacoste Grotto.

"Ah hey, did yeh see it like? It wuz custy kidda, sorted, like. Plus, with the Lacoste Grotto like, I get, like, loads of fares mate, like, so I can buy, like, another Lacoste Tracky myself like, laughing innit?" Alan Allen, Kirkby Cabby and dedicated Lacoste tracksuit wearer. Aged 56.

"It was sound. I wish I had it to wear, I'd be like, it's hard to describe it innit? Can I say hello to my mates? Hiyyyaaa!!!!!!" … (Ed, sorry, the list of 1258 names was too long) Daniel Angelica Daniels aged 13, hanging round by the shops, Westvale.

"I'll tell you what, it was worth every penny, I'll never forget the Lacoste Grotto ever." Tony Chesterton, Care Worker and Armed Robber, Tower Hill.

"It wuz boss mate, dead sound, the biz like. Felt like a bit religious and that like, not like a laugh, more like a bit serious. Do you know warra mean like?" Tony Feltworth, sociology student, Northwood.

"I thought it was sound, dead sound, sound as a pound." Terry Terralds, Bricklayer, Towerhill.

"Ar ay la, They do make a good tracky though, don't they though, eh mate?" Dessie Dezzer Desmonds Security Guard, Gym User and dedicated follower of La Coste, aged 44, Southdene.

"Well my feller had been five times so bought me along with our baby Nettola. I thought it was great, and a really nice family day out. We only live 2 doors away." Denise Dylan, mother of 3, Southdene.

"This Illegal Structure and the subsequent crowds are a nuisance to the community. I just don't see what the fuss is about. These people are ignorant peasants and would do better to get themselves a suit like me and my mates in Knowsley Council. Tracksuits are for losers. These people are chavs. I'd hang the lot of them. Stalin had the right idea you know!" Local Councillor: Ted Grannel 

[82-1074641017]

A Kirkby man has paid a record breaking £234,000 for a tracksuit on popular auction website 'e-bay'. The tracksuit was one of the first La Coste tracksuits off the production line and comes with its own glass frame which holds the tracksuit for display purposes.

Billy Windsor from Southdene Kirkby bought the tracksuit after over 4500 bidders took part in the e-bay auction which was only open for 48hrs. Billy told Kirkby Times that he had stayed awake for the entire 48 hours bidding online using his home computer. "The auction was fast and furious" said Billy speaking in the Pingwood Public House, "The auction opened and I bid the first £1, but after that the auction went insane, with a virtual war between hundreds of Scouser's desperate to get the prized tracksuit". During the auction, Billy had to re mortgage his home plus cash in savings for a new car as well as selling his BMW. Billy told us that "I even sold my dog in the last hour of the auction".

After the auction Billy received an email confirming he had won the auction. "I broke down and wept" he confessed "It was a special moment, I felt like life had got some meaning back again, like I was special". Billy quickly arranged for the tracksuit to be flown from the Lacoste Museum in France and received delivery the next day. "I was cut up with emotion" he stated, "I can remember the feeling I had when my first daughter was born, but that was nothing compared to this" Billy shed tears as he opened the parcel and literally broke down when he opened up the box to reveal the Tracksuit in its glass case.

Once word got round Kirkby, thousands of people made there way to Southdene for a glimpse of the Tracksuit. It was Billy's wife who decided to set up a 'La Coste Grotto', and she cleared out the garden shed, lined it with 'posh curtains, (£40 from argos), and hung the framed Lacoste original tracksuit up, with a small uplight to tastefully highlight the Tracksuit. Billy told us that he wept again when he first saw the Lacoste Grotto. "It was fu**** beautiful" he told us. "The missus made a lovely job of it"



The people's verdict
Kirkby Times put the question to the people - and asked them what they thought of this Lacoste Grotto.

"Ah hey, did yeh see it like? It wuz custy kidda, sorted, like. Plus, with the Lacoste Grotto like, I get, like, loads of fares mate, like, so I can buy, like, another Lacoste Tracky myself like, laughing innit?" Alan Allen, Kirkby Cabby and dedicated Lacoste tracksuit wearer. Aged 56.

"It was sound. I wish I had it to wear, I'd be like, it's hard to describe it innit? Can I say hello to my mates? Hiyyyaaa!!!!!!" … (Ed, sorry, the list of 1258 names was too long) Daniel Angelica Daniels aged 13, hanging round by the shops, Westvale.

"I'll tell you what, it was worth every penny, I'll never forget the Lacoste Grotto ever." Tony Chesterton, Care Worker and Armed Robber, Tower Hill.

"It wuz boss mate, dead sound, the biz like. Felt like a bit religious and that like, not like a laugh, more like a bit serious. Do you know warra mean like?" Tony Feltworth, sociology student, Northwood.

"I thought it was sound, dead sound, sound as a pound." Terry Terralds, Bricklayer, Towerhill.

"Ar ay la, They do make a good tracky though, don't they though, eh mate?" Dessie Dezzer Desmonds Security Guard, Gym User and dedicated follower of La Coste, aged 44, Southdene.

"Well my feller had been five times so bought me along with our baby Nettola. I thought it was great, and a really nice family day out. We only live 2 doors away." Denise Dylan, mother of 3, Southdene.

"This Illegal Structure and the subsequent crowds are a nuisance to the community. I just don't see what the fuss is about. These people are ignorant peasants and would do better to get themselves a suit like me and my mates in Knowsley Council. Tracksuits are for losers. These people are chavs. I'd hang the lot of them. Stalin had the right idea you know!" Local Councillor: Ted Grannel 

lol the funny thing is Lynsey i only live about 5 minutes away from that secret location (or not so secret cause i know where it is )

[Garymac]

Are u billy windsor Roberts! With ye flash Lacoste trakkie 

[82-1074641017]

One of my mates shat himself outside here a few years back, and then went into a drunken rage shouting,'WHY ME?' about a million times, in tears headbutting the floor

[JBG]

One of my mates shat himself outside here a few years back, and then went into a drunken rage shouting,'WHY ME?' about a million times, in tears headbutting the floor

Where would you be without your friends, eh? 

[82-1074641017]

Youre right JBG
btw do you like my new sig?

Heres a picture of a league game from Kirkby:

[112-1077774096]

Kirkby Man Designed Windows and sues Bill Gates!

Kirkby man Ronnie Johnston today announced that he is to launch a Zillion Dollar lawsuit against Microsoft. Ronnie is aggrieved at having his "lifetimes work stolen by some Yank" and gave Kirkby Times exclusive news of his extraordinary claims.

Ronnie Johnston, Below, emailing Bill Gates as he has done 5 times a day for the past 10 years.
[img]http://www.huytontimes.com/images/humour/man_at_computer[1].jpg[/img]

Ronnie met Bill Gates in the USA in 1993 and showed him his idea for a computer system which was codenamed 'Kirkby 93' Ronnie wrote the code whilst working the night shift in the old Fords Halewood factory. Ronnie explained that "Back then I'd given up drink and drugs, so had little to do on the nightshift. I done a few hours work now and again but thought I'd take up a open university course and do it on the night shift".

After 4 years Ronnie created a computer system which was so crash prone he discounted it. "I invented Kirkby 95" Ronnie told us with the look of a man who hasn't slept for a week. "I wrote the code back in 92 and showed it to gates in 1993. He simply copied the floppy discs with my code on and has been selling bootleg versions of my operating system for 18 years."

Below, a screen-shot of the original version of Kirkby 95. note how the logo appears to be pretty similar to the Microsoft logo itself!

[img]http://www.huytontimes.com/images/humour/windows_kirkby[1].jpg[/img]

Ronnie is adamant that he is owed Billions if not Zillions by the American Software giants. "When i look at the millions of copies of Windows that bas**** has sold, it makes me mad" Ronnie admitted. "I was just one of the lads who messed around with computers, i never dreamed in my wildest dreams that a program i wrote would turn out to be a No 1 seller, but Gates refuses to even answer my emails!". Ronnie points to his computer screen and shows us over 20'000 e-mails sent to Microsoft. "The bas***** has affected my health, I've already had 12 nervous breakdowns, Gates cost me my divorce"





Below, Bill Gates as pictured leering outside Kirkby Police Station. Could we soon see Gates being questioned on software theft here in Kirkby?

[img]http://www.huytontimes.com/images/humour/gates_policestation[1].jpg[/img]



Kirkby Times was also unable to obtain an answer to our email to Microsoft. You can contact Ronnie with messages of support at the Kirkby Times email address.

[82-1074641017]

Heres a analysis of Kirkby courtoesy of ChavTowns

Kirkby - Merseyside (what a shithole!)
_POSTEDON by ampie69
[ Edit | Delete ] 


ampie69 _WRITES "Kirkby.... notable for what?? Absolutely ALL!!!!

I have limited (for which I'm VERY grateful) experience of Kirkby. I work in Liverpool, and have to travel via Kirkby train station each day. This is just a nightmare for people like myself (you know.... human)

Kirkby train station is the link between Manchester and Liverpool's train stations, and it separates the 2 train lines (why on earth I don't know...) but this is nothing more than the portal between reality, and hell!

The chavs that populate the bridge above the station are the trolls from fairy tales, only on top of the bridge instead of beneath. Newton discovered gravity in 1687. In 2004, the of the earth, more commonly known to us as "chavs", that populate Kirkby have decided to test his theory using bricks. I'm glad that in my wait for the next train I have to endure something akin to a day in the life of a resident in Baghdad.... it's nice to know these little shits will gladly come out even in the rain just to continue this bombardment of the "evil" people that wait patiently for the train either to or from work, just so we can pay for these little shits to afford the beer (for beer read !) they drink on a daily basis instead of doing the decent thing and getting a job!

The scheming little shits will even take the time to slide down the embankment next to the bridge just to avoid paying the measly £3 train fair into Liverpool when they can get their white shell suits covered in .... then again, what's the saying "it's the wearer that makes the clothes?" Quite apt really!

And as for the "lovely ladies", I happened to be on a train yesterday, sat next to an adorable chavette who decided to discuss her sexual antics with "fella of the week" Martin, to her 13yr old little brother. Some of the stuff she does with these guys would cost a fortune off a pro, so guys, get in with Kirkby chicks because it's cheap.... then again, they do look cheap!!! However, when her brother asked about David who's name we shouldn't mention.... (he's presumably slept with her best mate!) she told him to shut up and mind his own business.... So you'll gladly tell him about you, Martin and the kitchen table but you don't want to think about David??? I can see you're a really emotional person who's just "misunderstood"...

All in all, this isn't a complete rant about Kirkby, just an insight into my very limited (once again, thanks God, I couldn't have done it without ya!) experiences of this -infested hellhole that is part of Merseyside! I'm just glad I only have to endure about 20 minutes a day of this shithole!"

[82-1074641017]

Half of the girls in my area of Kirkby look like this:

Trouble is half of em are under 18!

[jonnymac1979]

I've drank in the Carters Arms, Roberts.  Used to drink in there when I was 18 when I was knocking round with a few lads from the Kirkby area.  I'm 26 now and I haven't been since though. 

I've been out with a couple of lasses from Kirkby, they were fucking belters as well, there's nothing wrong with the women from there.  As far away from Vicky Pollard as you can get.    The barmaids in my local are all from Kirkby and they're all sound girls.

[82-1074641017]

I've drank in the Carters Arms, Roberts.  Used to drink in there when I was 18 when I was knocking round with a few lads from the Kirkby area.  I'm 26 now and I haven't been since though. 

I've been out with a couple of lasses from Kirkby, they were fucking belters as well, there's nothing wrong with the women from there.  As far away from Vicky Pollard as you can get.    The barmaids in my local are all from Kirkby and they're all sound girls.

Not Northwood i bet, most of the decent birds are from the posher areas like Kirkby Row(where the Carters is situated) and Melling
Most of them by ours are scals

[jonnymac1979]

One was from Southdene and one was from Shevington Park.  Both belters, I shit you not.

Yeah, I used to know a few birds that lived on Kirkby Row.

Don't really know much about Kirkby as I'm hardly ever there and don't knock around with any lads from there anymore.  Weirdly enough, I was in Everton this morning helping a mate move house.

Everton

[AussieKopite]

A Kirkby man has paid a record breaking £234,000 for a tracksuit on popular auction website 'e-bay'. The tracksuit was one of the first La Coste tracksuits off the production line and comes with its own glass frame which holds the tracksuit for display purposes.

Billy Windsor from Southdene Kirkby bought the tracksuit after over 4500 bidders took part in the e-bay auction which was only open for 48hrs. Billy told Kirkby Times that he had stayed awake for the entire 48 hours bidding online using his home computer. "The auction was fast and furious" said Billy speaking in the Pingwood Public House, "The auction opened and I bid the first £1, but after that the auction went insane, with a virtual war between hundreds of Scouser's desperate to get the prized tracksuit". During the auction, Billy had to re mortgage his home plus cash in savings for a new car as well as selling his BMW. Billy told us that "I even sold my dog in the last hour of the auction".

After the auction Billy received an email confirming he had won the auction. "I broke down and wept" he confessed "It was a special moment, I felt like life had got some meaning back again, like I was special". Billy quickly arranged for the tracksuit to be flown from the Lacoste Museum in France and received delivery the next day. "I was cut up with emotion" he stated, "I can remember the feeling I had when my first daughter was born, but that was nothing compared to this" Billy shed tears as he opened the parcel and literally broke down when he opened up the box to reveal the Tracksuit in its glass case.

Once word got round Kirkby, thousands of people made there way to Southdene for a glimpse of the Tracksuit. It was Billy's wife who decided to set up a 'La Coste Grotto', and she cleared out the garden shed, lined it with 'posh curtains, (£40 from argos), and hung the framed Lacoste original tracksuit up, with a small uplight to tastefully highlight the Tracksuit. Billy told us that he wept again when he first saw the Lacoste Grotto. "It was fu**** beautiful" he told us. "The missus made a lovely job of it"



The people's verdict
Kirkby Times put the question to the people - and asked them what they thought of this Lacoste Grotto.

"Ah hey, did yeh see it like? It wuz custy kidda, sorted, like. Plus, with the Lacoste Grotto like, I get, like, loads of fares mate, like, so I can buy, like, another Lacoste Tracky myself like, laughing innit?" Alan Allen, Kirkby Cabby and dedicated Lacoste tracksuit wearer. Aged 56.

"It was sound. I wish I had it to wear, I'd be like, it's hard to describe it innit? Can I say hello to my mates? Hiyyyaaa!!!!!!" … (Ed, sorry, the list of 1258 names was too long) Daniel Angelica Daniels aged 13, hanging round by the shops, Westvale.

"I'll tell you what, it was worth every penny, I'll never forget the Lacoste Grotto ever." Tony Chesterton, Care Worker and Armed Robber, Tower Hill.

"It wuz boss mate, dead sound, the biz like. Felt like a bit religious and that like, not like a laugh, more like a bit serious. Do you know warra mean like?" Tony Feltworth, sociology student, Northwood.

"I thought it was sound, dead sound, sound as a pound." Terry Terralds, Bricklayer, Towerhill.

"Ar ay la, They do make a good tracky though, don't they though, eh mate?" Dessie Dezzer Desmonds Security Guard, Gym User and dedicated follower of La Coste, aged 44, Southdene.

"Well my feller had been five times so bought me along with our baby Nettola. I thought it was great, and a really nice family day out. We only live 2 doors away." Denise Dylan, mother of 3, Southdene.

"This Illegal Structure and the subsequent crowds are a nuisance to the community. I just don't see what the fuss is about. These people are ignorant peasants and would do better to get themselves a suit like me and my mates in Knowsley Council. Tracksuits are for losers. These people are chavs. I'd hang the lot of them. Stalin had the right idea you know!" Local Councillor: Ted Grannel 

I think someone has way too much time on their hands. 

Class!!!

[Effes]

I've been out with a couple of lasses from Kirkby, they were fucking belters as well, there's nothing wrong with the women from there. 

Agreed.
Lived with my ex in Westvale, she was/is beautiful.

She was part of a morris dancers group - all kept themselves in very decent shape.