Liverpool FC Forum

[bunglemark2]

Right...

In an effort to raise the humour levels a notch or two, I propose a new thread. Anecdotes, humorous ones please...

Here goes:

A woman walked into a library and asked for a book on double entendre.
So the librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it.

[bunglemark2]

WANTED . . . Illegal immigrant to act as a mud flap for a 1978 Ford Cortina. Must be flexible and willing to travel.

[neil]

these arent anecdotes.

[bunglemark2]

Anecdotes / Tommy Cooper-like observations.....call 'em what you like.....it's just a bit of fun....
But be pedantic if you must (yawn !)...

I just saw toy story in 3D, the guy in 4D asked me to take my hat off.

[matt_liverpool]

Shit thread.

[dawson99]

Shit thread.

harsh, but true

(and the only funny post in this thread)

[bunglemark2]

You're all just way too bitter

Bloke is admitted to hospital with 60% burns. The doctor instructs the nurse to give him two viagra. "Will that help the burns?" the nurse asks the doctor. "No," replies the doctor, "but it will keep the sheets off his legs."

[maypaxvobiscum]

Bungle it seems you've too much time on your hands the Viagra one was good though.

[bunglemark2]

way too much time mate....still lookin' for a job

[maypaxvobiscum]

same here mate. i did sign a contract but it only begins in January so ive got too much time on my hands. but its a good thing as it means more time for studies and checking out dumb stuff like Jackass the Movie check this out lol

[maypaxvobiscum]

A businessman was highly critical of his competitors' storefront windows. "Why, they are the dirtiest windows in town," he claimed. Fellow business people grew tired of the man's continual criticism and nitpicking comments about the windows. One day over coffee, the

businessman carried the subject just too far. Before leaving, a fellow store owner suggested the man get his own windows washed. He followed the advice, and the next day at coffee, he exclaimed, "I can't believe it. As soon as I washed my windows, my competitor must have cleaned his too. You should see them shine."

Confucius once declared, "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your owm doorstep is unclean."

[RedSi35]

‘I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

[bunglemark2]

I got a call at work today from the hospital. They said my wife had been admitted and she may have to be kept in overnight.

I was very worried; who would cook the dinner?

[Kharhaz]

LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER:

Dear son.

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home because we have moved.
About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him; he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in but it hasn't been working too good. Last week I put dads shirt in, pulled the chain and haven't seen it since.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it is a boy or a girl yet, so I don't know if you are an auntie or uncle.
Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took five days to put out the fire.
I went to the doctor last Thursday and your father came with me. The doctor put a small glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it off him.
It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four.
We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandfather's plot isn't paid within seven days, up he comes.
                    ............ Your loving Mother.

PS: I was going to send you £10 but I had already sealed up the envelope.

[7_Kewell]

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'