Page 2 of 3
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:51 amby laza
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl,
"Will you marry me?"
The girl said "No."
And the guy lived happily ever after, and went golfing, fishing, drinking,
got season tickets for football, basketball, cricket, bought a
boat, a motorcycle, and lived at the casino's.
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:56 amby Dalglish
That legendary band The Animals have released a statement through their agent ....
"There is NO house in New Orleans"
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:51 amby Red @ Heart
How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
A Evertonian and a Sunderland fan are walking along the street outside and suddenly the Sunderland fan says "ooh, l ook at that dead bird!" The Everton fan looks skywards and says "where?"
Rumour has it that Everton have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.
This weekends hottest action was at Gay Meadow – no, nothing to do with any Sol Campbell convention – where Everton got sent (fudge) packing from the FA Cup.
Shrewsbury Town were the pain in the backside, as Everton were forced to come from behind once Nigel Jemson stuck his (set) piece into Richard Wright’s rear netting.
Radzinski and Rooney were an impotent force upfront and only looked useful when they were playing from behind. But Jemson’s second goal ensured that Shrewsbury finished first.
Everton tried to penetrate the Shrewsbury back line, but Town took enough precaution to avoid the Toffees slipping in a sneaky one in.
The defeat is said to have left a bad taste in the mouths of the Everton fans who travelled to Gay Meadow.
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:32 amby teamleader1
Passenger plane out of control and hurtling towards the ground
Stewardess strips off and shouts
CAN ANY OF YOU MEN MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN
FOR THE VERY LAST TIME IN MY LIFE 
Scouser jumps up - rips his shirt off- throws it at the stewardess and shouts
GET THAT FKN IRONED !! [I]
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:59 amby Paul C
Keep 'em comin lads, some crackers there!!
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:24 pmby Benitez No1
A couple were on their honeymoon, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a third time. When they finish, he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's the par for this damn hole."
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:50 pmby teamleader1
90yo man goes to confession
OLD MAN>Father ive got an 18 girl pregnant
PRIEST> Was it against her will my son?
OLD MAN> No father were in love and getting married
PRIEST> Thats fine my son but remember to bring the child up as a good catholic
OLD MAN> But im not catholic father
PRIEST> Then why are you telling me?
OLD MAN> Im telling every fkn one
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:00 pmby Benitez No1
The Post Office have just recalled their latest stamps The special set
of commemorative stamps had pictures of Man United players on them...
but people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:12 pmby teamleader1
Benitez No1 wrote:The Post Office have just recalled their latest stamps The special set
of commemorative stamps had pictures of Man United players on them...
but people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:17 pmby Benitez No1
What's the difference between Nigel Martyn and a taxi driver? A taxi
driver only lets in four at a time.
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:42 pmby welshred
MAN- Doctor i keep thinking im Tom Jones, is this normal?
Doctor - "Its not unusual".
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:52 pmby teamleader1
MAN>Doctor I think Im a moth
DOCTOR> Im a GP you need a shrink
MAN> I know- I was just looking for one when I saw your LIGHT ON 
Posted:
Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:54 pmby hawkmoon269
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
