Liverpool FC Forum

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:14 am**

Q: Why does David Moyes keep visiting Argos?

A: Because that is the only way he can pick up any Premier points

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Q: Whats the difference between Everton and a tea-bag?

A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer

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Q.Whats the difference between an everton fan and a bouncy castle??

A.You take your shoes off to jump on a bouncy castle.

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David Moyes goes into a building society to deposit some money. Whilst there, a robbery takes place, and Davidr is knocked unconsious during the struggle. In a few minutes he comes round, but is still very confused.

"What, er, how, er, where am I?" he mumbles.

"Relax. Your in the Nationwide" says a paramedic.
Moyes replies, "Bloody Hell! You mean I've been asleep all season?"

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David Moyes went to the Everton Xmas party dressed as a pumpkin. Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.

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What do Everton and paul Mc cartney's wife (Heather Mills) have in common?

the second leg's only for show

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An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Everton fans come from?"

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:48 am**

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association
:alien:

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:51 am**

Q. which bit of "post it in the right fucking catagory" dont you understand?

A. Correct, All of it. :angry:

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:38 am**

Lee J wrote:Q. which bit of "post it in the right fucking catagory" dont you understand?

A. Correct, All of it.

me? or the otha fella?Just wondering

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 12:49 pm**

im dyslexic, i once went to a toga party dressed as a goat

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 12:57 pm**

big gay simon goes to the doctors to get his test results. The doctor says ''i'm sorry simon but you have AIDS''.
Simon is devastated and asks the doctor what to do.
The Doc says eat:
1 Sausage
1 head of cabbage
20 Jalepeno peppers
40 walnuts
half a box of All Bran cereal
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.

Simon says ''will this cure me doctor?''

NO said the doctor, but it will give you a better understanding of what your ARSE is for !!

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:09 pm**

peewee wrote:im dyslexic, i once went to a toga party dressed as a goat

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:20 pm**

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Arch angel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God,
Where have you been?"

God pointed downwards through the clouds.

"Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.
Arch angel Michael looked puzzled and said,"What is it?"

"It's a planet" replied God, "I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the
Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and
over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Arch angel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah..." said God. "That's Liverpool, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, two Premiership football teams in the Liverpool alone, and many impressive buildings; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers,explorers and politicians. The people from Liverpool are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of w**kers I'm putting in Manchester!"

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:40 pm**

Did you here about the Conservative MP who was found dead in an Everton strip ? The police had to dress him up in womans underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:44 pm**

LOL benitez No1, thanks mate. I think i'll sign off for the night and leave in a better mood.

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:21 pm**

knock knock..

whos there?

F.uck!

F.uck who......

F.UCK YOU!

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:33 pm**

Lee J

Your mothers so ugly,
when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

:rasp

Whoops I have posted it in the wrong section

I am awaiting the FBI to come and arrest me

Before I go

Your mothers so ugly,
they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:24 pm**

stoney wrote:knock knock..

whos there?

F.uck!

F.uck who......

F.UCK YOU!

By far the most ridiculous and childish joke on there, but needless to say absolutely feckin hilarious. I'm not normally a lover of jokes or joke tellers so I've stored this one for that moment when your in company and some tool says "anyone know any good jokes". This is the one to deliver just before you feck off and get yourself a large Doner with extra everything.

Posted: **Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:52 pm**

A lino salesman knocks on the front door of a house and a woman opens it , the salesman says to the woman ........

Hello missus how would you like a length of this in your back passage ?

Posted: **Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:36 am**

Q. What have Hurricanes and Women got in common ?

A. When they come their Wet and Wild and when they leave they take the house and the car !

Liverpool FC Forum

Should make you smile - Post some jokes here

Should make you smile - Post some jokes here