Liverpool FC Forum

Effes wrote:Sorry to say, Ive never done a fatty. Big fat birds repulse me Im afraid.

A W*nk is better I reckon.

Done plenty of ugly ones, but at least I could breathe when they were on top.

ffs you don't let them get on top even more so if they are size 26 

woof woof ! wrote:Never sh'agged a fattie    I did however have a night of terror with a Greek hunchback .

It was thirty odd years ago but the nightmare is still with me . I was making my way overland from India  back to the UK and somehow ended up on a small island about a hour out of Athens where I met this couple ,an English fella and his Greek wife. She wasn't bad looking BUT did have an enormous hump and a walk that Quasimodo would have been proud of. One night I'm sitting in the taverna and in she shuffles minus her husband, turns out he's gone to Athens on business and won't be back till the next day. We had a meal and a few ouzos after which (being the gentleman I am) I offered to escort her home. We got to her door and she invites me in . Now just to be clear, sex with this Greek bellringer was the furthest thing from my mind, she was however a very intelligent woman and a great conversationalist so in I went and we spent the next couple of hours emptying a bottle of brandy whilst discussing life the universe and everything......... I'ts now 3am and I'm making ready to leave when she says "why don't you stay here tonight , you can sleep in one of the spare rooms ". Being well p'issed by now I was more than happy to stumble into one of the spare bedrooms and collapse onto a big brass bed, and thats when the terror began.

I'd only been on the bed for a couple of minutes when I heard the faint but distinct scrape scrape scrape as she dragged one foot behind the other slowly approaching my door. In true hammer house of horror style the door opened with a long drawn out creak that had my hair standing on end and into the room shuffled Quasimodo dressed in a long white nightgown and carrying a lit candle .
Without a word she approached the bed , set down the candle , hitched up her nightgown and sat on my face ! Lads, I was blowing bubbles out of my f'ucking ears . I was torn between a feeling of compassion and the desire to throw up as this creature bore down on my face with increasing ferocity, but when she started to yodel I thought "fu'ck, at this rate she's was gonna break my teeth" . Summoning up what stamina I had left I forced her off my face and onto the floor where I proceeded to do the dirty deed. I was thinking to myself "let's get this over as quickly as possible" when I noticed that with her legs raised of the ground she was rocking backwards and forwards on her hump , requiring absolutely no effort from me . To my everlasting shame I have to admit I began to enjoy it .   I'll spare you the rest of the sordid details but suffice to say that when I passed her in the street the following day her gammy leg was dragging even further behind than usual and when I greeted her the gimp blanked me completely !!!

still a good read

Judge wrote:

woof woof ! wrote:Never sh'agged a fattie    I did however have a night of terror with a Greek hunchback .

It was thirty odd years ago but the nightmare is still with me . I was making my way overland from India  back to the UK and somehow ended up on a small island about a hour out of Athens where I met this couple ,an English fella and his Greek wife. She wasn't bad looking BUT did have an enormous hump and a walk that Quasimodo would have been proud of. One night I'm sitting in the taverna and in she shuffles minus her husband, turns out he's gone to Athens on business and won't be back till the next day. We had a meal and a few ouzos after which (being the gentleman I am) I offered to escort her home. We got to her door and she invites me in . Now just to be clear, sex with this Greek bellringer was the furthest thing from my mind, she was however a very intelligent woman and a great conversationalist so in I went and we spent the next couple of hours emptying a bottle of brandy whilst discussing life the universe and everything......... I'ts now 3am and I'm making ready to leave when she says "why don't you stay here tonight , you can sleep in one of the spare rooms ". Being well p'issed by now I was more than happy to stumble into one of the spare bedrooms and collapse onto a big brass bed, and thats when the terror began.

I'd only been on the bed for a couple of minutes when I heard the faint but distinct scrape scrape scrape as she dragged one foot behind the other slowly approaching my door. In true hammer house of horror style the door opened with a long drawn out creak that had my hair standing on end and into the room shuffled Quasimodo dressed in a long white nightgown and carrying a lit candle .
Without a word she approached the bed , set down the candle , hitched up her nightgown and sat on my face ! Lads, I was blowing bubbles out of my f'ucking ears . I was torn between a feeling of compassion and the desire to throw up as this creature bore down on my face with increasing ferocity, but when she started to yodel I thought "fu'ck, at this rate she's was gonna break my teeth" . Summoning up what stamina I had left I forced her off my face and onto the floor where I proceeded to do the dirty deed. I was thinking to myself "let's get this over as quickly as possible" when I noticed that with her legs raised of the ground she was rocking backwards and forwards on her hump , requiring absolutely no effort from me . To my everlasting shame I have to admit I began to enjoy it .   I'll spare you the rest of the sordid details but suffice to say that when I passed her in the street the following day her gammy leg was dragging even further behind than usual and when I greeted her the gimp blanked me completely !!!

still a good read

woof!! mate you rock 

well so did she when she was on her back 

Sabre wrote:

GOAT_2.0 wrote:

GYBS wrote:First Fattie -

Was on holiday in Tenegrief when i was 20 and my and my mates had a pull a fatty night and all popped a tenner in the pot and the winner would be the person who got the biggest pair of pants . Well we were out and bumped into a couple of crocadilapigs who were skinny but had a fat pretty mate who looked a bit older than the others so i managed to get suitably drunk enough and take her back to mine . She was 31 and worked in the BBC and had a massive pair of solid knorks and shagged me stupid all over the place and i managed to rob her pants and she was a size 18 , but was quite tall and she could suck a golf ball through a hosepipe . When we all got back to villa and the pants came out me and two other guys had size 18s two guys had size 16 one a size 20 but then the geek of the group pulled out this pair of pants that looked as big as a sheet and he pulled a size 26 ?!?!!??! he won the money hands down .

Size 26 f.uckin hell suicide that

I'm sorry if I'm getting too technical here, but how do you know the geek shagged the mega-sized woman and not bought the pants right away?

If he cant even get any action off a size 26 monster truck then he's got problems